To Transition or Not to Transition...That is the Question

"Typical" parents don't know how easy they have it.  Their child goes through the school year, does well and moves to the next grade....easy right?  No thought process involved for them, it is just the way it is.  Unfortunately it is not the same for special ed parents.  We dread this time of year when we have to meet with our team of teachers (Primary Teachers, OT, PT, ST, Behaviorist, Administrators etc) and decide what placement will best suit our kids 6 months from now.  Yes...6 MONTHS FROM NOW!!!

Some of us need to fight for services because our children may fall on the "borderline" of delays.  Others of us get things thrown at them because our children are a bit more "severe".  But above all else, with all of the decisions that need to be made, is the decision to transition to a new school.

You see, in my world, my daughter is in the ALP (Alternate Learning Program...aka Life Skills) class.  We are lucky in a sense that we do not really need to fight for services.  Our district is wonderful and gives my daughter everything she needs.  I have a great "team" in place and she is doing exceptionally well this year. Just about everyone on our team has told me that she is really thriving this year and they are so proud of her progress.  That makes me feel so great.  They all genuinely love her and want what is best for her.  The issue for me is, our school has 4 levels...Elementary (K-4), Middle School. (5-6), Jr. High (7-8) and High School 9-12+).  Ever since my daughter went into the ALP program the teachers have told me to hold her at the elementary level as long as I can (typically they will allow her to stay into her 5th grade year if I choose). So I assumed that I wouldn't have to contemplate this issue until next year, I had made up my mind and she was staying back, no matter what...this is what I was prepared to do for 3 years...don't move her until "6th" grade.  But now I am hearing how well she is and that socially she can "move up" to the Middle School.  So now...I second guess myself...AGAIN.

As a special needs parent you are so afraid of making the wrong decision and placement really is the key to a successful year.  She will still remain in the "program" she is in, however, it may be in the other school.  I keep telling myself that, contrary to what I think, I am not going to screw her up for life if we make the wrong decision this year.  I had her in the wrong placement for K & 1 and she is none the worse for it.

Another problem is that I don't adjust well to change. I am comfortable where we are.  The teachers know how nuts I am and they still love my daughter despite of it.  I know people say "follow your gut" but what happens when your gut can't make up its mind?  There are so many pros and cons to it.  Who will be in the class for her to look up to?  If she stays behind she will be the role model and not have anyone to be hers...is that a good thing or a bad thing?  If she goes up the teachers, staff and students (many more students then she is used to in a school) have to get to know her while back at her current school she is like the mayor of the school.  Don't get me wrong, I know the teachers who she would get placed with and love them (and amazingly enough they know I am crazy and still like me) but what do we do?

These are the times that the jealously and the feeling of grief for my "typical" child come into play.  I just wish we didn't have to deal with the "what ifs" in this situation.  It is so hard on us.  Yes, we didn't screw up her life years ago when it was the wrong placement but....she is getting older now....could this screw her up?  Should we disrupt the apple cart knowing how well she did this year?  Do we push her to the next level?  She would have great role models if she goes up.  She would be with her friends who went up last year who she loves and who adore her.  If I don't move her up this year then they might be gone when she does finally go up.  On the flipside, she will be the oldest in her class by far again if we leave her back.  I just keep going round and round in circles.

This is just a small part in this huge world of special needs parenting that the "typical" parents don't understand.  This is a stress like no one can imagine and each one of us go through it during this time of year.
So....again....to transition or not to transition...that is the question.?

...to be continued

Until Next Time,

Jenn