My daughter started out in a self contained preschool class. Over the years she was there she moved into an ICT class (Integrated Co Teaching) where half the class was typical and the other half was special needs.
The hardest time for me (and for most special needs parents) was deciding what class to put her in for Kindergarten. That was by far the worst few months for me. How can you decide in February what class your child should be in come September. That is 9 months....9 months...it took that long for her to come out of my body how can I decide what the rest of her life was going to be 9 months in advance? I cried almost every day before the dreaded CPSE meeting/transition meeting was upon me. I reluctantly agreed to a self contained Kindergarten class. I remember when I went for our first parent/teacher conference....it was a rough night. I felt like my child didn't belong in that class...like she was to advance or to good for that class. She just didn't fit in with the other kids. I remember her teacher looking at me like I was nuts for saying it...looking back...it was not one of my finest moments I will admit. I fought to put her into an ICT class for first grade. The district wasn't happy but they did it...that was the biggest mistake I ever made for her. We quickly found that she was not ready for that class and moved her back to the self-contained class within the first month of school. She struggled for 2 years in the self-contained class until one day in first grade she got suspended for a day due to her behaviors. They had gotten so bad because she was not able to keep up with the curriculum (and that was prior to common core I might add). I was in such denial that my daughter was as severe as she was. After she was suspended, my husband and I agreed to look into the life skills classes offered by our district. The class was amazing and exactly what my daughter needed. She has been in that class for 3 yrs and is doing much better.
So...what happened? I finally allowed myself to really "see" and "accept" my daughter for who she was and not who I wanted her to be. I mean, don't get me wrong...I never thought she was a scholar but I never realized the depth of her disability until I finally fully accepted it. She was 7 years old (mind you she was initially diagnosed at 20 months). Sometimes you think you are in the acceptance phase, however, you are really in the denial phase. All throughout Kindergarten, the head of special ed for elementary children would tell me that there may be a better placement for her in the life skills class. I couldn't see it...I refused to see it, I was accepting that my daughter would not be a doctor or a lawyer but she didn't need life skills...what was that woman thinking...she doesn't know my child...I know my child best (or did I)?
Now, looking back, if I knew then what I know now, I never would have put her into the self contained class to begin with....she would have gone right into the life skills program. I do believe that things happen for a reason...maybe it was because I was meant to help all of you reading this who are going through that same struggle. The hardest transition is when they go into public school from pre-school. The "rules" are different. the schools are different, the curriculum is different and the teachers are different.
I always felt like if I put her into the life skills class that I would be dummying her down. She won't perform and do what is asked of her if we lower the demands on her. How is she going to learn if they are only teaching her basic life skills? I can do that myself at home! I was SOOO wrong. I was the one being a dummy and the one who learned the most (the hard way) was me and ironically...she was the teacher.
What is the point of all of this.? Sometimes your gut can be misleading because though you "think" you are in the acceptance phase, you are really still in denial. I do believe that most of the teachers, administrators and staff do in fact have the best interest of your child in mind when making recommendations for them. Though it is 9 months in advance, know this...NOTHING is permanent. Just because you decide to put your child in a self contained class instead of ICT or a Life Skills class instead of a self contained does not mean that they will be there forever. If you are going into the transition meeting and you are not ready to make a decision...don't be afraid to table the meeting and come back a few months later. They may try to scare you and tell you that if you do not make a decision your child may lose their spot in your home school. Does that suck? Yeah, but, it is better to make sure that you are accepting and not in denial of the full extent of your child's abilities (or lack there of) before making the decision.
The fact is...you are not going to ruin their life if you make the wrong decision going into elementary school (Yes, that is a normal feeling but no matter what decision you make you will always second guess yourself). Every parent has the feeling of "OMG every decision I make is going to mold this child into the person they are going to be", but with special needs children, it seems like that pressure is multiplied by 100. There is enough guilt that goes on in the mind of a special needs parent (what did I do wrong to make my child like this? What could I have done differently? etc)...you shouldn't have to deal with the extra pressure of thinking you are screwing up their life because you decided to put your child in one class over the other.
Think of it like as if you were a meteorologist....they make predictions based on the information that is given to them by the data collected. Sometimes they are right and sometimes they are wrong but in the end, it is all ok. We just weathered the storm a bit different if we are wrong with the call we make. My daughter is no worse off having those 2 "lost years" as I refer to them. All she knows is where she is now and she LOVES going to school. Don't spend months crying and stressing...take a deep breath and know that in the long run it will be ok.
Until Next Time...
Jenn
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