Guilty Pleasures

I love my daughter with all of my heart.  I am thankful for the life we have but sometimes, I have to admit...sometimes, I wish my life were different.  Sometimes I wish I had a "typical" child who at age 10 doesn't want to be around me too much. I want her to be able to go to a sleepover at a friends house or family members house.  A child who I don't have to do most things for...heck...I child who can wipe their own butt.

I look forward to the times where we are able to afford to send her to Camp Pa Qua Tuck for the weekend (or the week during the summer) and give me a much needed break.  A day where I don't have to amuse anyone or run anyone around the island for therapies or events.  I love the fact that I can sit and not move off of the couch or not get dressed and have the peace and quiet on a Saturday when my husband is at work.  It is heaven!!!

And then...I feel guilty.  I feel guilty about the fact that  I look forward to sending my child away.  I feel guilty about wanting/needing the peace and quiet (after all, how many people would love to be in my shoes who can't have a baby)  What is so bad about running her all over the place to keep her happy?  I sometimes feel like a horrible mother.  Like I am pawning her off on someone else.

I know this is completely normal, which is why I wanted to write about it.  I think we all go through that and you know what...it is OK.  You are not wishing harm on your child...you are just wishing for some "me" time.  I think all parents...special needs or not...need that.

My mother taught me that guilt is a useless emotion and it is so true.  The bottom line is that we all need a break..we all need some time to our selves and regroup because that enables us to be great parents.  That enables us to be more focused and ready to take on the world of special needs.  That enables us to think straight and focus on what we need to do to help our child overcome obstacles ahead.

IT'S OK to need some time!!!  Don't waste time feeling guilty and not allowing your child to go to respite.  Enjoy those guilty pleasures so you can be the best mom (or dad) for your family.  Let's face it...if momma ain't happy...no one is happy!

Until Next Time...

Jenn