I was at a barbecue recently the kids were, for the most part, playing so nicely. There was three children total all around the same age as my daughter. At one point the kids got out of the pool. I then heard one of the kids whisper to another child "Quick let's get back in before she comes in" and off they went to run into the pool without my daughter. I said something to the kids and told them that they made me very sad and I was very disappointed that they were leaving out my daughter. They didn't seem to care about what I had to say.
Shortly there after my daughter realized that they didn't want to play with her. A few minutes later she went up to them and said, "I'm really really sorry". Now keep in mind my daughter did not do anything to be sorry about. I think she just hears her teachers telling other children (and sometimes her) things like "maybe if you say you're sorry your friends will want to play with you" and she took the initiative to try it and see if it worked.
It broke my heart to hear my daughter apologizing for something that she did not do wrong. My eyes started to fill up with tears and I had to walk away from the situation so no one would see my crying. My heart was breaking for my daughter. As it is, we steer away from playgrounds because kids don't like playing with her but now barbecue's too...how can I do that? I always knew that eventually these particular kids (who she sees often) would realize the difference between them but I didn't think it would be so soon or so harsh.
A few minutes after I walked away, one of the kids parents happened to come by me (completely unrelated) and saw me crying. I explained what had happened and he brought to light an entirely different scenario that I had never thought of... He explained to me that his son has a tendency to do that with other children. He is kind of the ring leader who will take a group of three and make it two, leaving the third child out. It has nothing to do with a disability with the third child...just typical "kids being kids" type of thing. He did say that he was not happy about his son being this way I might add.
This dad really made me realize how sensitive I really am. I always thought I was tough and could deal with just about any scenario but immediately I jumped to the "special needs" conclusion when in fact it was just a "annoying kid" thing. As dumb as this may sound..it made me feel so much better.
Thinking back...now I wonder how many times I really may have jumped to that conclusion and maybe it was the wrong one. Maybe it is kids being kids in most cases. I wonder how many of us do what I did..I bet more then want to admit it. Maybe we bring more attention to the special needs aspect then is needed sometimes.
Is it bad that I am programmed this way?
Is it bad that I assume that other kids don't like her because of her disabilities?
Am I making her lose out on something because I am the insecure one?
I think I have a ton of thinking to do about this and maybe, just maybe, next time I will be a bit more open minded and not assume that everyone is out to hurt my daughter.
Until Next time...
Jenn
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