I love when my child is doing amazing. When we have what seems to be a "growth spurt" in maturity, learning and basically on all sorts of levels. It is that false sense of security sometimes.
You are going a long in life thinking how fast she is catching up and how maybe, just maybe, she will be able to move up in into a more advanced class and actually graduate with all of the other kids her age..AHHHH what a feeling...and then WHAM you get blind sided by reality. I know I have written about this before but I feel like it is happening so much lately that I really needed to touch on it again.
So there I am eating dinner with my family and my nephew, who is 3 years younger then my daughter, is spelling sentences. I just sat there and thought "wow, he has far surpassed my daughter".
It is so hard to be happy for other parents when they are so proud of their kids when you know it is truly an amazing thing, when you feel so sad for child that you always thought you were going to have.
Times like these makes it like you are grieving over and over. It hurts..A LOT, but at the same time, you know it is wrong to not be happy for your nephew and his accomplishments.
It is that vicious cycle I have come to know and hate that goes along with being a special needs parent. It is like a whirlwind of emotions... happy, sad, angry, loss..all at the same time. Just when you have picked up the pieces and move on it blindsides you. It seems that each time you get hit harder and harder.
I am usually such a positive person. I know my daughter is not going to be another Einstein and I am ok with that. My hope is that she will be able to live a relatively "normal" life. I want her to be able to live on her own. I know that the rest of her life I will have these ups and downs but I just wish they didn't hurt so much.
Until Next Time...
Jen
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