There are times when I will be talking in general about a situation and people that I know start giving me weird looks as if to say "what kind of an idiot are you?" I really don't think they mean it and they just don't realize what they look like or what their body language is saying. I think it is just the nature of people to try help, even if it comes across in a not so welcoming way.
I was around an old friend the other day who I was telling a story to about something that happened with my daughter recently. You see, my mom used to watch my daughter for me on school vacations or snow days. Over the years my mom and daughter had become like oil and water and fight constantly. my daughter got too big and strong for my mom to handle and therefore she is no longer able to watch my daughter for us. It is very difficult to find somebody who I trust enough to watch my daughter... Especially all day. Not because I think some people I know would be mean or cruel, but because she can be a handful and if you are not used to it or specially trained, it could become a situation.
Anyway, long story short (too late I know) I was talking about doing homework and how I don't make my daughter do it any longer because the fight that comes along with it is just not worth it. Then I started getting "the look" from a friend of mine. And then the statements started coming out…" you should try this, you should try that, don't you think that she is throwing a temper tantrum so that she doesn't have to do it, I think she is playing you"… It kept going on and on.
My other personal favorite is the infamous "you should try such and such it worked for my next-door neighbors best friends grandson's girlfriend's sister." What most of the general population does not understand is that what works for one child most definitely will not work for another. And more importantly what works for one family does not work for another.
You see, I have tried everything to get my daughter to do things the "normal" way...and do you know what I have found? My daughter… My family… Is not "normal". We are a special needs family and, as such, I need to make special accommodations to make sure that my house runs as smoothly as possible. Some people feel and I use that as an excuse or a crutch but it's not you just learn to cope in different ways because the bottom line is your family IS different.
There used to be times when the homework would take us over an hour they would be a lot of crying... a lot of hitting a lot of paper ripping...and a lot of thrown pencils. Don't you think I know that it is important for my daughter to do her homework? But doing it at the expense of all of our sanity is just not worth it. I have spoken to her teacher about this and her teacher is fine with the fact that homework does not get done. We do it when we can, but if there is the slightest issue I do not push. Some people think I am crazy, but for me I just feel like I do what I have to do. People with typical children just don't understand, no matter how many times I try to tell them, what it is like to be me. It is easy for people to judge and comment and make faces about choices that I have made. Even my own mother does not agree with the way I handle certain situations. But deep down I know I am doing what is best for my family… For my daughter.
So for all of you who feel like you can do things better than I do in my situation I ask you this… Please think about things before you actually say them because you usually don't realize the way it is coming out of your mouth or even a body language that you are using. It really makes the rest of us who have to live this life day after day after day feel incompetent and like rotten parents.
So after situations like this happen, I sit there and try and reevaluate. I question everything and I do and I still come full-circle and stand by my decisions. Some of my decisions me seem like a cop out or taking the lazy way out. In some cases it very well maybe... but again I am doing what is best for my daughter and my family and I ask everybody to respect that. You may not agree with it, but, the bottom line is you don't have to live with it.
Until next time…
Jenn
No comments:
Post a Comment