Embracing the Disability or Hiding Behind it

Sometimes that is a hard thing to decipher.  I think we have all use the disability as an excuse before for one reason or another.  Sometimes we use it to help us get out of situations that we do not want to be in (like a family party or friends block party lol) Sometimes we use it to help us get to go to special events that may be free or discounted for special needs families.  But...when you think about it...deep down...are we using our child's disability for them or against them?

There are so many times that I do everything for my daughter...not because she doesn't want to do it but because it is just easier for me to do it myself. After all she is special needs...how could I expect her do to things?

The funny thing is my daughter has proven to me time and time again that she CAN do many things that I didn't think she could.  I guess I just didn't  give her the opportunity to show me and she was totally fine with me doing it all for her. Don't get me wrong...there were times that I put my foot down and spent MANY hours fighting with her making her dress herself.  It was hard for her at first but with backwards chaining (when you do the majority of the work for them but leave the last step and then when they master that step stop one step prior to that and continue the process until they are doing it all by themselves) she did it.  It was a long few months before my daughter finally started doing it alone but in the end, she was so proud of herself  because she did it ALL BY HERSELF!

I know some of our kids really cannot do things for themselves but there are some of us who just don't give our kiddos the chance to prove themselves (and myself and my husband are very guilty of that).  We are so used to doing things for them that we may not even think about letting them do something for themselves.  As my daughter is getting older she is trying harder and harder to become more independent.  Some days are easier then others for her.  I make things as easy as I can by not buying jeans that she has to button or clothes that are hard to button.  I even bought her Velcro shoes as long as I could (until the size that she needed no longer came in Velcro in the store). You know what....she needs to learn how to tie her shoes...It will be hard...there is no doubt about that...but in the long run, I know she can do it.  But again....every morning when she goes to put her shoes on 9 out of 10 times I tie them for her...why?..I don't know...habit maybe? Am I  letting the disability and lack of time get the best of me?  I need to make sure that we have ample time to give her the chance to do it herself.  She frustrates easily which is another issue.  Some days, if we are having a good morning, I don't want to disrupt the apple cart and do something that may throw her off the rest of the day.  But again, that is hiding behind the disability and preparing for the worst.  Like with everything else, I fight with myself on what to do.  The angel and the devil on each shoulder weighing in on the situation at the time.

Is it that she can't do it or I just don't let her try?  Is it that she is to lazy or am I in too much of a rush to give her the time she needs to try?   Is it because she is my only child and will be my only child (I cannot have any more due to the fact that I am a breast cancer survivor  but that is a whole other blog for another day) and don't want her to grow up (I even told her I was going to send her to Neverland so she can't grow up lol)

So again, the question.....are we embracing the disability or hiding behind it?

Until Next Time...

Jenn