Like most parents who have a child with special needs, it is very hard for us to tell our children about upcoming events. Unfortunately she gets so excited about what we are doing or where we are going that she doesn't sleep at night. We can get her to fall asleep but staying asleep...well...that is a whole other story. We have learned, the hard way I might add, to not tell her anything until we are about 5-10 minutes away from leaving for the event. If we tell her to early the day of then all we hear is "are we leaving, when are we leaving, can we leave now, is it time to go" etc.....(you get the idea)..which then turns into a 30 minute meltdown and potentially ruins the day for all of us.
This rang true again last night. Today my daughter was going on a trip with her class. She was so excited about this trip that she woke up at 1 am and didn't fall back to sleep around 2:30 am.
First off, I have to admit, my husband is a saint. I don't know what I would do without him because he is usually the one who deals with the night wakings, pretty much since birth (I told you...the man is a saint). So....he gets up with her (I don't even hear her wake up half the time...I know, I am so bad, but thankfully I have the best husband in the world)...I finally hear him come back into bed and he tells me that she is up. We didn't hear anything for a little while and we fell back to sleep. Well...she didn't!. Finally we hear her again and he goes into her and tries his best to get her back down. I then go in as he is getting frustrated (after all at this point it is 1:30 am) and I try...you know...in the sweet "I'm going to save the day" mommy voice. It always starts out quiet and sweet....Honey go back to bed its very late...I know you are excited about tomorrow....the suns not awake yet....good night I love you. (kiss kiss...hug hug...you get the idea). I leave her room and...well...you know that is not where the story ends. Then she starts banging on the wall (we live in attached housing and I cannot allow her to bang on walls) so my husband goes into her as I am screaming at her to stop from my room. Then I hear her screaming on the top of her lungs. So I go in and do what any other person who was woken up in the middle of the night would do....Threaten her...."IF YOU DON'T GO BACK TO SLEEP YOU ARE NOT GOING TO SCHOOL TOMORROW". (fortunately, my child does love school and this is a huge punishment for her....and no...I would never actually keep her home from school to punish her ....but heck...she doesn't know that right?). I go back to bed and she continues to be screaming while my saint of a husband is with her....So what do I do? Go in again and threaten her saying "if you don't stop I am going to email your teacher right now and tell her that you are not going to school tomorrow...no school...no trip...nothing...go back to bed." At that point my saint of a husband basically through me out of the room telling me that I am not helping... (I can't imagine WHY he would think that) and long story short...she fell back to sleep at about 2:30.
This is a prime example of why we don't tell her anything. Yes, I admit it...I FLAT OUT LIE to her. "No honey we aren't doing anything to do today" (10 minutes before we are leaving to do something fun) "oh honey, we have something exciting to tell you...guess where we are going in 10 minutes". ..you get the drill. It is complete self preservation at its finest. Is it a lie initially? Well...Yes, yes it is and you know what...I would lie to my child daily if it means that I can avoid a meltdown.
I was just reminded about another reason not to tell my daughter in advance...if the activity or event gets cancelled for whatever reason, she just doesn't understand and the meltdown begins. Her entire life is over as far as she is concerned. We have even tried to bribe her to being ok with something getting cancelled..."its ok honey, even though we can't do that...we can go to Friendly's". Sometimes it works and sometimes...well...not so much.
Unfortunately we cannot control what is said in school relating to trips. After all, on the flip side of what we have, are kids who do not transition well and need to know exactly what is going to take place days in advance so they can mentally prepare for the change. I get that but at 1 am...I don't really care about those kids. My husband wanted to know if we could get a warming pin for our daughter...you know...like the ones they use for kids with allergies...."warning...don't tell this child anything as it could danger her life" lol. I told this to her teacher and she laughed.
I have heard from so many parents who have children with special needs the same exact story...I know it takes away from the excitement the kids have of looking forward to something but I can't do it at the expense of sleep deprivation and our sanity.
So...the question of the day is what do you call it...A lie or self preservation? The reality is...I am totally a self preservation kind of gal!
Until next time...
Jenn
thelongislandspecialparent@yahoo.com
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