How many times do you dream about you and your spouse/significant going away for the night...even if it is just for a date night for a few hours? How many times would you like to go out for a girls/guys night out with your friends? Do you remember that last romantic night, quiet, candlelight dinner just you and your sweetheart while your child was having a sleepover at a friend's house....Yeah...me neither.
Sadly, for most special needs parents that really is just a dream. You see, it is so hard for us to find someone to watch our special needs child and we don't have the luxury of having our child to sleep over a friends house. Heck, I won't even let family members sleep over my house because it would disrupt our routine.
Yes, some of us have family who would be willing to watch them, however, though it may be convenient, some of us don't feel comfortable leaving our child...not even with a family member. You see....if you have a child that is an eloper, or one who won't go to sleep on their own or needs a very structured bedtime routine....we can't leave them with just anyone (well, I mean we CAN but we won't enjoy ourselves because we are too worried about our special needs child.).
Yes, you would think it is convenient to have a family member watch her. They love her and we know that they would not intentionally harm her. However, my daughter is a very early riser and some of our family members sleep late. My daughter would be roaming their house and they wouldn't have a clue. Why? Because they don't have to deal with it day after day. They don't "get it". They don't have a baby monitor in their room for a 10 year old sleeping right next door. Some people think we are nuts to still have it hooked up, but, we NEED to. We feel more comfortable and we do it for her safety and our sanity. We need to know if our daughter is up and about. My daughter still sleeps with a sound machine everynight. This is our norm and when things deviate from the norm...well...you know what happens...the poo poo sometimes hits the fan.
My family would take her without question if we asked them too but maybe part of me doesn't want to burden them with her. She can be a handful when it comes to showers, bedtime, early rising etc. She needs to be entertained constantly and if she is quiet for too long and you do not know what she is doing...she is probably up to no good. Why should they have to deal with that?
We can (and have) done respite weekends. We still worry a lot. What if something happens? What if someone touches her in a way that is not appropriate? What if there is a fire, will she know what to do in a place that she is not familiar with? I could go on and on. It is very stressful for us.
Some people call me neurotic, some call me a great mom, some just don't call me. In any event....sometimes you just need the comfort of knowing that your child is safe and sound in their own bed under your supervision then the convenience of leaving them in a place where you don't feel comfortable.
So...for now...the dreams will have to be only for sleeping and maybe, just maybe...one day we will be able to live the dream of having a romantic dinner and a peaceful night sleep.
Until Next Time...
Jenn
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